Faking a smile.

This is one of a thing which I am good at. I faked a smile. Not once, not twice. But so much time before. When I say I faked it, it means that I was hiding my sadness and the bitterness in my life. I don't want people to notice it. I am a cheerful guy. And I am known for that. So I don't want people especially my friend to notice if something unpleasant had happen to me. So I faked my smile. Keep on smiling, keep on being cheerful. But it is not something which comes from my heart. Just for the sake of my image and keeping my cheerful relationship with my friends. I don't want people to change their tone when they talk with me just because they are afraid of offending me. I don't want that. I just want people to treat me as if nothing had happened to me. That's why I fake my smile. I fake my 'joyness' and 'cheerfulness' just to have that. And most of the time, it worked. Because nobody noticed it. Even my family. Wait! There is a person who can notice it. Only one person (as far as I can remember). And I respect her for that. An old friend. She is the only person who can detect the fakeness of my smile. And sadly, we lost contact. I hope I can find someone like her. Someone who can understand me and know me inside out. I mean, very, very well.

The plan of my life.

Maybe I should start to think about it right now. The route is not in my favor. I'm 25 right now. By the time I graduate, I will be 26. Quite old I suppose. As soon as I have a stable income, I need to seriously think about settling down. And settling down is not an easy one. It's about taking the responsibility of someone's daughter for the rest of my life. It's not all. It will include (insyaAllah) the persons which will be produce by the marriage afterwards. Besides that, I have to consider the costs of the reception ceremony. I'm the eldest son. I'm guessing that my parent would want a proper ceremony for me. As we know, marriage is an expensive business. At least you need to have RM 20k to have a proper ceremony. Not a grand ceremony but just a proper one. Which is a burden to me. So, I'm not seeing myself settling down very soon. I need to work for at least a year in order to save for the marriage things

But for me, the most important thing is to prepare myself for what come afterwards. I mean the knowledge about marriage. Preparing myself about my future responsibility as a husband. And the responsibilities waiting need me to be financially stable. I wish to be a good husband. Not only about feeding my family and giving them shelter, but most importantly, bringing them toward the faith of Islam. I wish to produce a generation of good Muslims. I know I'm not a scholar or anything like that, but at least, I can teach them the fundamental obligation of a Muslim towards Allah. Perhaps, I can implant the interest in my children's heart to learn knowledge about the faith of Islam. InsyaAllah...

Thus, due to this responsibility, I'm not seeing myself buying a new car after I get my first wage. Unlike most of my friend. I don't even think that I can afford to buy a Viva. Right now, my priority is to buy a house. A proper one. Not a lavish mansion but just a comfortable house for my family. Perhaps after a while, my life will become stable and only then, buying a new car will come to my mind. Wish me best guys!!